34 Weeks

Dear Wyatt,

You are 34 weeks this week and are the size of a durian!

A durian is a fruit popular in Asia that is hideous as hell, but apparently really creamy.

You are about 17.2 - 18.7 inches tall and about 4.2 - 5.8 lbs. You are listening in on conversations at this point and may even recognize lullabies I'm singing to you now when you make your way into this world (some say I can't carry a tune, and I'd have to agree!). You should hopefully be descending lower into my pelvis soon because it is getting harder and harder to breathe with you up in my ribs. You are also peeing about a pint a day! You are just in there getting chubby at this point, trying to wiggle around with less area to play in.

Since I last wrote to you, things have gotten a little more intense. That numbness in my hands last week? Well, the numbness/tingling in my right hand never went away, so for about a week now I have only been able to feel my pinky and sometimes my thumb on my right hand, the rest of the hand is dead to the touch. It's still movable, but I have trouble using it for typing, writing, even opening door handles at night to get into the bathroom. It's been bothering me all week. Apparently braces help, and I was planning on picking them up today, but there was a change of plans. More on that later.

On Friday after work, AJ and I headed to Springfield to stay with Colton and Jessica at their home. On Saturday, we woke up and went to Krispy Kreme and then set off to take some maternity photos.

Check them out: here

Click on "proofs" and the password is: babywyatt

Some of them AJ is being a creeper in because we were laughing about all the awkward pregnancy photos we kept finding on the internet trying to get ideas for our shoot. Maternity photos are not Colton's normal cup of tea, in fact, we may be the first ever maternity shoot for him, but he did an awesome job for us. It was FREEZING cold outside so we weren't able to do any outdoor shots, but we did get a lot of great shots in our travels. He posted some of the shots on Facebook and several of my friends oohed and ahhhed over them. I really love to look at them and was planning on sitting down today and placing an order, but more on that later...

After the photo shoot we ate at Lucy's (AJ's favorite Chinese food in Springfield). I devoured my plate. That evening, Jessica and I curled up on the couches watching Hoarders and Man vs. Food while the boys played in the garage. The next morning we went to church with Colton and Jessica. Colton was playing drums in the worship band so we got to see him rock out. It was a neat experience. I am hoping to someday find a church home in the Columbia area.

After church, we ate lunch at Ruby Tuesday and I tore up some Garden Bar (seriously, that fruit salad is ridiculous!). AJ and I left Springfield after lunch and headed home.

It had been a long time since I'd been to Springfield, and I wish so much time hadn't passed in between visits. I spent 4 years of my life there going to school. It was where I met many people who shaped who I am today. It was where I went to college, joined a sorority, became Greek Freshman Female of the Year, won scholarships (even one from my department head - 2 years in a row!),  lead in campus and nursing organizations, graduated with a 4.0 from the honors college...I was a badasss. Sometimes I wonder: what happened? I think I burnt myself out doing so much!

Springfield was where AJ and lived together for the first time, adopted Biscuit from the Wal-Mart and later Gravy from the ghetto, it was where I was planning on working until about 6 months before graduation when I had a change of heart and then a job opened up for AJ and then me and well...things fell into place in Mid-Missouri. But when we go back to Springfield all I can do is look out the car window and gawk at the old stomping grounds, where things seem so familiar and distant at the same time.

Monday and Tuesday of work were terrible. With the numb hand in tow and a million cases in my room each day, I was feeling beat. My ankles (*ahem* cankles) were overflowing over my shoes and sore as hell. I was going through the motions the best I could, but I felt like complete shit. I was trying to plaster a smile on my face, but wanting to cry behind it. Tuesday was Valentines Day and as I was putting my makeup on in the morning I started violently puking clear nothingness. And as I was bent over the porcelain throne all I could think about was getting it over with so I could finish getting ready so I could leave 10 minutes early since I heard the roads were supposed to be bad (they weren't...). And yes, it's still snowing sporadically since Winter is still trying to hold out on us.

This morning I was getting ready for my 34-week OB appointment with Dr. W thinking about the things I wanted to discuss with her: this numb right hand, my outpouring of ankles, the sense of anxiety I'd been feeling at work like I wasn't going to make it through the day.

Well, I got to the 9:15 AM appointment and peed in the cup and the nurse took me to take my blood pressure and asked how I was feeling and I told her I was feeling dizzy and realized I had been for the past few days. It feels like I have been in some sort of a fog. She took my blood pressure and didn't say anything, put me into a room and told me that Dr. W's nurse was going to take another blood pressure. Theresa came in and took my pressure in one arm and then the other, then had me lay back on the bed and put my feet up. Her face was serious and she started asking me if I had a headache, was seeing spots, had any pain under my right ribs (no, no, and besides Wyatt's foot jammed up there, no). I asked her what was going on and she told me my pressures were high in the 140's/90's. She told me to lie back and wait for Dr. W to come in.

When Dr. W came in she asked me what I was doing and I responded, "Apparently being a problem child." She laughed but told me that "now I get to experience what it's like to have high blood pressures pregnant." She told me I was to go to Labor & Delivery (I think my heart fell out of my chest when I heard that) and they were going to monitor Wyatt and me, draw some labs, and make sure everything was okay before she would send me home.

My head spun as I tried to process all this information.

"Everything may be fine, you may have to go on bedrest, or we may have to deliver. We just don't know right now. That's why we need to send you over and get the monitors on and labs drawn and make sure everything is okay," Dr. W. explained to me.

DELIVER?!?

I was almost in tears as I crossed the bridge to get into the hospital because my head was just spinning. I called AJ and told him what was going on. He was scared, but I told him not to come up to the hospital until we knew what was going on. I work in the hospital, but I've never had a reason to go to L&D, so I had no idea where it was. When I made it up to the 3rd floor, I was able to track down the front desk, and they were expecting me. They checked me in and got me into a room. While one nurse hooked me up to a baby monitor, another was asking me health history questions. They hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff and I was still in the 140's/90's.

Once they got me all settled in, I tried my best to relax on the bed and take my mind off things by watching TV and playing on my phone. It was neat to hear you move around and hear your little heartbeat, Wyatt. I could tell when you were sleeping and tell when you were awake by your movements and your corresponding heart rate. At one point I sneezed and I guess it startled you because you started moving around and your HR skyrocketed. It made me smile.

Lab came in to draw my blood and Allie swung up to see me since she was at the hospital to drop off paperwork. She visited with me until Dr. W. came in to go over results with me. She told me my lab results were good and Wyatt sounded great. I was expecting a green flag to go home and get back to work tomorrow, when she dropped the bomb on me:

Even at rest, my BP is too high, and I have to go on bedrest until baby comes.

I thought I hadn't heard her correctly, and repeated it several times.

"So I'm on bedrest?"

"Yes."

"So I can't work."

"No."

"So what you're saying is I can't go back to work and I have to stay home?"

My blood pressure peaked to 149/92 after she dropped this bomb on me.

She told me that she was hoping we could hold off with Wyatt for 2-3 more weeks. I am supposed to report seeing spots, getting a bad headache, and anything new before I go back for my appointment next Wednesday. We are going to start weekly appointments where she is going to ultrasound and do a fetal non-stress test to make sure Wyatt is doing his thing. I'm also supposed to start taking my blood pressures twice a day, which I don't know how I am going to do during the day without assistance.

When I got discharged they told me that I can't do much of anything besides get up for hygiene and meals. The thought of sitting around waiting makes me stir crazy already. I stopped at the cafeteria on my way out of the hospital because I hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was almost 1. I saw my supervisor and told her what was going on. I expressed to her how sorry I was that I wasn't able to give them the 6 weeks I planned on giving them. She told me not to worry about it, that me and Wyatt's well-being were more important. Still, I feel bad, because after this week our pod is 2 nurses down.

I came home and immediately started calling about FMLA and Short Term Disability for my work. I had planned on taking care of this today so that it would all be taken care of by the time I delivered. I was honestly worried I was bothering with it too early, now it feels like I should have taken care of it all weeks ago. I have a million thoughts running through my head, and I'm sure my BP is through the roof as I type this.

I feel stressed. I feel like I'm behind. I feel overwhelmed. I feel guilty about work. Anxious about sitting around alone. Nervous about money and paperwork. Sad that sitting around for weeks waiting around on bedrest is cutting into my 12 week maternity leave I had planned on spending with my newborn. It seems up until now I've had quick little 5 minute appointments where Dr. W. told me everything is great, now all of a sudden I may not carry Wyatt to full term. I cannot get a grasp on what is going on.

I guess all we can do is be thankful that everything turned out good for you and I today, little baby. And we will see in a week what the next step is.

Love,